Sunday, 2 December 2018

极短篇

《深 刻》
剛剛在電梯間看見一小孩兒在吃雪糕,出於關心,順口告訴他:“這麼涼的天,會吃壞身體的!”。
小孩告訴我,他的奶奶活了103歲。
我問:“吃雪糕吃的?”
他說:“不是,我奶奶從來不管閒事!”
多麼深刻!現在終於知道為什麼衰老得快了!
瞎操心操的………

《心累》
現在騙子真多,剛剛又看到新聞裡說儲戶存款消失,幾十萬不翼而飛。
我急忙騎自行車到銀行,趕緊插卡輸密碼查看,還好,8塊錢還在,這才鬆了一口氣。
急死我了!以後再也不看新聞了,心好累!
走出銀行,心更累了:8塊錢還在,自行車不見了☹

  [情緒控制 1]
大媽早上去廣場散步,看到有個老頭拿著海綿筆在地上寫大字,忍不住湊上去看。
老頭看了大媽一眼,提筆寫了個“滾”字。
大媽心想:看一下至於嗎? ……老頭又看大媽一眼,又寫個“滾”。
大媽再也忍不住了,上去一腳將老頭踢倒在地……
警察來了問咋回事,老頭委屈地說: “我就想寫句‘滾滾長江東逝水’,剛寫頭兩個字,就被這個神經病踹倒了”。
所以呀😄 朋友們,凡事急不得😜 !

 [情緒控制 2]
 (●—●)一個姑娘上了高鐵,見自己的座位上坐著一男士。她核對自己的票,客氣地說:“先生,您坐錯位置了吧?”
男士拿出票,嚷嚷著:“看清楚點,這是我的座,你瞎了?” 女孩仔細看了他的票,不再做聲,默默地站在他的身旁。
一會兒高鐵起程了,女孩低頭輕鬆對男士說:“先生,您沒坐錯位,您坐錯車了!”
有一種忍讓,叫做讓你後悔都來不及,如果嚎叫能解決問題,驢早就統治了世界!

笑话

有趣的國字

日對曰說:「你該減肥了。

井對丼說:「超音波檢查出你有膽結石!」

熊對能說:「窮成這樣!四個掌全賣了?」

口對回說:「懷孕這麼久了,也不說一聲。」

臣對巨說:「裝潢一下,可多兩個房間。」

旦對但說:「膽小鬼!出門還要請保鏢。」

果對裸說:「你穿了衣服還像沒穿一樣!」

木對林說:「你怎麼學會複製我了?」

扁對匾說:「敗選就搞自閉?」

王對皇說:「當皇帝有什麼好?你看,頭髮都變白了!

創造這些笑話的人,實在太神了。

2017第一屆極短篇文学節獲獎作品

2017第一屆極短篇文学節獲獎作品:

          《人生》

        人生就像蹲馬桶,有時你已經很努力了,但結果卻只是個屁。

          《傷害》

        有一隻餓狼覓食到一戶人家,聽屋内女人在罵孩子:再哭就把你扔出去餵狼!孩子哭了一夜,狼痴痴等到天亮,含淚長嘆:騙子!女人都是騙子!

        《别往壞處想》

        深夜,女兒哭著給母親打電話:媽!他現在還没回来,一定是有别的女人了!母親輕聲的安慰:傻孩子!不會的!以後遇事别總往壞處想,也許是出車禍了呢!
       
      2017獲獎小小說
    《好險》

        老王提前下班回家,發現老婆正和自己的老闆偷情,嚇得趕緊跑回公司,嘆道:好險,差點被老闆發現我早退!

          《嫁女》

        老王有一醜女始终嫁不出去,很希望她被拐賣,一天终於夢想成真,女兒被人綁架,但綁匪嫌她醜,將其送回原處,此女堅決不下車,綁匪緊咬牙切齒的說:走!車不要了!

          2017年獲獎微小說
        《昨晚又失眠了》

        昨晚又一夜没睡好,一直在想一個問題:菲律賓真搞笑 ,憑什麼南海靠近菲律賓就是他們的?我家樓下
        台灣銀行
        富邦銀行
        飯店
        超商
        還有隔壁剛搬來年輕辣妹,我都没敢說是我的,想不明白,我得找律師仲裁一下,這萬一我仲裁勝出了,我該怎麼辦呢?越想越興奮,結果又是一個失眠之夜!

成语新解

成语新解

       1.【夫唱婦隨】丈夫去唱歌,老婆尾隨跟蹤。

       2.【度日如年】日子非常好過,每天像過年一樣。

       3.【杯水車薪】每天上班喝茶,月底可以拿一車的工資。

       4.【知足常樂】知道有人請洗腳,心裏就感到快樂。

    5.【見異思遷】看見漂亮的異性,就想搬到她那裏去住 。

       6.【知書達禮】僅知道書本7知識不夠的,還要學會送禮。

       7.【朝三暮四】早上和小三在一起,晚上和小四在一起。

       8.【窮途末路】現在路上收費很高,讓窮人無路可走。

       9.【一窮二白】人一變窮,別人就會用兩個白眼看你。

     10.【無微不至】沒有微信的地方不要去。
2.12.2018

Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected & is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them.)

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


10. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

11. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

12. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first & call whatever you hit the target.

13. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

14. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

15. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder & harder for me to find one now.

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Friday, 11 May 2018

Holiday for GE 14

Holidays for GE 14                                                                           11.4.2018

I still think we should grant half day leave on 8.5.2018 to those team members travelling back to hometowns too cart their voters            

1. This is the most important election.

2. Better voter turnout means better chance for CHANGE.

3. Election is once in 5 years and not often on weekdays.

4. As employer, it is within our power to encourage staff to vote.

5. We set limit: more than 3 hours journey. That will exclude BP, Segamat n PD.

6. At the end, not many staff get this benefit.  Loss of productivity for few staff over period of 5 or 10 years is something we can afford.

7. I am hoping that when this is announced, it will have good impact on Melaka voters
    - that partners view voting rights very seriously;
    - those who think 1 vote makes no difference may make an effort to vote.

If there is no tsunami this time, we may not see any tsunami during our life time. Sorry, I am speaking for senior partners.  Juniors may still have a chance. Future is hard to predict.

Wish List on formation of new Malaysian government

Wish List on formation of new Malaysian government                                               10.5.2018

Now that our new Prime Minister has sworn in, here is my wish list for a new Malaysia:

1. No katak is allowed to jump ship. No attempt to lure any ADUN to cross over. Let the state governments with slim majority govern with strong opposition party until the next election.

2. The Chairman and top leaders of the Election Commission must go. Charge them in court if they have committed any offence under the Election Act. Redo the redelineation exercise to make sure that the number of voters in the constituencies are approximately equal.

3. The Chief Justice and President of the Court of Appeal, whose extension of tenure and reappointment to their respective offices are said to be unconstitutional by the Malaysian Bar, must also go. Judges should be allowed to act independently and decide cases based on merits. There should not be any "arahan dari atas".

4. The Attorney General, who cleared Najib of any wrongdoing in the 1MDB scandal despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, must resign or be sacked.

5. Civil servants must be left to do their job professionally without interference from politicians, especially from the Prime Minister's Office.

6. Reopen files on Teoh Beng Hock, Anwar Ibrahim,  Altantuya, 1MDB and others if there is proof of relevant evidence being suppressed at trial or inquiry or new evidence discovered. Though the new Prime Minister has said that the new government
will not seek revenge, criminals of serious offences cannot be left off the hook.

7. MCA, MIC and Gerakan are dissolved and new multi-racial parties are formed to take care of interest and needs of all Malaysians. (I have a suggestion for the name, PITAM (Party Insaf Tanah Malaysia)). We do not need Chinese ministers to take care of Chinese; Indian ministers to take care of Indians; Sabah and Sarawak ministers to take care of Sabahans and Sarawakians. Instead all ministers must take care of all Malaysians.

8. Revamp our education system. This is very very urgent.

9. Implement need or merits based, not race based policies.

A lot to wish for! Well, if Pakatan Harapan government does not perform, we choose new government in GE 15. Hopefully by then there are new parties or coalitions, not only Barisan National, for us to choose from.

GE 14 投废票

致要投废票的朋友                                                                                                   8.5.2018

1。 2008 308 你加入了改朝换代大军,兴奋的摇旗呐喊: 舞吧, Ubah! 有激情,没把握。结果出乎预料,国阵输掉三分二多数议席及五州政权。两线制成型,你看到了曙光。

2。2013 505 你受到 Ini Kali Lah 的感召,以为改朝换代就在明天。结果有一群人不动于山,功亏一篑。滿腔热血,换来的是: Apa lagi lu mau!

3。2018 509 你还是想改朝換代,却执着于敦马的过去,拒绝接受现实,唯敦马有能力改朝换代。

4。国家病入膏肓,有个老医生来治,你却耿耿于老医生的过去,宁可放棄变天的梦想?宁可选择投废票,成为那不动于山的一群,结果就是帮助维持现状。老医生都说了,要清算我,改朝后才来。

5。 509,选政府,试一试,换一次。

6。不必等了,就是明天。这是最好的机会,可能不再有了。不必计较是谁促成,一次就好,不行的话,五年后再換。换政府成常态,往后就容易多了。

7。如果你还坚持要投废票,唉,只能说:尊重你的选择。

By casting spoilt vote, you may think that you are not supporting any party/coalition. However by helping to keep the status quo, effectively, you are supporting the incumbent!

怪论时常有,现今特别多

怪论时常有,现今特别多                                               5.5.2018

1. 知名作家说,选区划分制造超级华人区、超级马来区,推动这种划分法的背后,是大马选民。

人说鬼话,嚇死我了。

选区划分不公,不就因为杰利蠑螈,与我们选民如何投票何干。

2. 坐政府第二把交椅人物说,大选落在星期三,在新加坡工作的选民,如申请不到假期,就不必回来投票。

从小每到选举,电台及电视台必播:

Marilah mari
Pergi mengundi
Jangan lupakan kewajipan
Warganegara.

投票是权利,也是责任。电台电视播一套,高官说一套, 这司马昭之心,我们选民皆知。

3. 一毛哥问,1MDB 课题讲MO1吃了人民26亿,看看你的户口,有少一毛钱吗?你公司户口有少10塊钱吗?有吗!

谢谢提醒,我查了, 户口里的钱没少,因为我看得紧。

公寓养牛、东西买贵了,我户口里也没少一毛钱。

但要填补国库虚空,汽油、白糖及面粉津贴少了,买东西要还GST。货品价钱贵了,我又查了,是用户口里的钱还的。

头壳坏了,赵紧去看医生。

4. 某官员以上届大选的条例不适用于本届大选,进而否决某候选人(被判罰款RM2,000)的竞选资格。

拜托,即是行政人员,又兼做法官。留下一些职位给其他人,可以吗?每个人都需要工作、赚钱、养家。钱不会从天而降,虽然谣传到处有人派钱。

5. 最高龄候选人说,他乘坐的飞机故障,是遭人破坏。

没找到证据,先不要做出指控。在此非常时期,天秤阵线衮衮诸公都在求神拜佛,祈求投票日前,最高龄候选人不要有所闪失,以免影响投票情绪。保庇保庇!

Sunday, 7 January 2018

记尤青山校长二三事

记尤青山校长二三事                        7.1.2018

19801985就读于江沙崇华国民型中学,都是尤青山校长掌校。

毕业多年,于30.4.2017 半百回校日初见校长,复在9.12.2017雪隆校友会晚宴再见,校长老当益壮。见到校长,也勾起一些往事。

校长当时有一规定,SPM考试,学生都得报考华文,不考的学生必须见校长获得批準。记得当时老肥想不考华文但不敢见校长而作罷,只有阿昆去见校长得到批準考图畫。

现今有很多学生因要拿全科A而放弃考华文(以符合政府獎学金的条件'),如果是尤校长掌校,大多数学生应该都会乖乖报考华文吧。

xxx

我中五时,有一天被叫到校长室。校长交给我南洋商报高中组獎励金申请表格,要我填上,申请獎励金。结果成功了,拿了RM100(没记错的话)

八十年代的RM100,真比牛车轮还大,当时Kosong面只三毛,炒鮮蚬粿条才五毛。




















x x x

中四时因当副班长,我常在放学后帮老师拿作业簿去教员办公室,常在教员休息室看到马来报章在桌上。有一次正巧碰到校长,就问校长可不可以把言论版拿回家,校长答应了。之后我每天放学都迟些回,等多数老师都离开学校才去教员休息室拿报纸,我也遵守校长的批準,只拿两页报纸,言论版及相联的一页。

我持续拿马来报章大约有一年的时间,直到接近SPM考试才停止。当然间中有时报纸被老师拿走或放到别处,就拿不到了。

回校日见到校长,问起此事,校长已不记得了,只说当时资源贫乏,学生都没买马来报:施恩慎勿念。

我今时能够应用马来文处理文件及上庭,有时也敢敢修改马来同事的结案陈词,多亏了当时的苦功,也要感谢校长的恩典。